Supporting someone through the voluntary assisted dying process

The information below may help you support a family member or friend who is talking about or has decided to access voluntary assisted dying.

There are also resources to support you while your friend or family member is thinking about or going through the voluntary assisted dying process.

Responding to my loved one’s decision

For many people, discussions about end-of-life planning and death are difficult and emotional. You may find your family member or friend's decision to ask for voluntary assisted dying hard to understand.

If your family member or friend has decided to access voluntary assisted dying, you may find it confronting that they are planning their death and how it will happen. You may also feel uncomfortable that they are talking about death and dying, as people often prefer not to talk about the end of life.  

On the other hand, you may not be surprised that they are thinking about voluntary assisted dying, or you may feel that you want to do everything you can to support them. 

It might be helpful to talk to them about why they have made this choice. You could ask them:

  • What are your values and preferences?
  • How do you want to live your final days?
  • What matters most to you?
  • Why are you making this decision?
  • What does quality of life mean to you?
  • What benefits and risks matter most to you?
  • What role do you want me to play?
  • How can I best support you?

Some people may find comfort in knowing that their friend or relative may have some control around the time and place of their death, and that you may be able to prepare and say your goodbyes together.

How to support my loved one

You can provide support by asking your family member or friend how you can help. Ways you can provide practical assistance may include cooking, gardening or driving them to their doctor's visits.  Some people may just appreciate having your company at a difficult time and being able to talk to you about their choices. 

As a family member or friend, you can call the NSW Voluntary Assisted Dying Care Navigator Service for general information about voluntary assisted dying. However, you cannot request voluntary assisted dying for your family member or friend; only they can make this request.

If your family member or friend wants you to be with them, you can attend their doctor visits during the assessment process and be part of their voluntary assisted dying discussions. With their permission, the doctor may ask how you feel about their decision to ask for voluntary assisted dying.

If your family member or friend asks for voluntary assisted dying and plans to self-administer the medication, their doctor may involve you in discussions about a plan for supporting this to happen.

Your family member or friend may ask you to be present when they take the voluntary assisted dying medication. If this is right for you, it is important to consider how being present during death might affect you.

Getting help

If you are providing a lot of practical support to your loved one, you may be feeling physically and emotionally tired.

There are resources to support you while your friend or family member is thinking about or going through the voluntary assisted dying process.

The information on this page was prepared with support from the Victorian Government Department of Health. It has been used with permission.


Current as at: Tuesday 28 November 2023